Starting a family is a very personal decision. Both partners need to be physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially prepared to bring a child into this world. Nobody else should have a say in this decision.
However, in India, the decision to have a child is more social than personal. From the in-laws to family members to peers, everyone feels it is their right and duty to comment on when you should have your first child. Also interestingly, the brunt of this social pressure is felt mostly by women. Many of them try to dodge these questions for a while, but as time passes, the intensity, pressure and urgency of these questions increases.
Soon after a woman is married, she has to face a barrage of questions, like:
And finally, when everything else fails,
And the absolute worst is the blind accusation
There MUST be some problem with YOU.
This is the simple progression most women are familiar with.
Modernization and the nuclear family system have eased the pressure from extended family members to an extent. Many women don’t have their in-laws and relatives living close by to nag them from dawn to dusk. However, it hasn’t eased the societal pressure one bit.
If a few years have passed and you haven’t been able to conceive successfully, you might be familiar with the following scenarios:
This is the story of most women irrespective of class, social standing, living standard, educational or employment status.
If you’ve been married for a few years and don’t have a child yet, you must be familiar with the paradigm of advice coming from elders in the family. They don’t just ask about the plan, they start offering unsolicited advice.
From sharing contacts of doctors who may have worked for someone they know to suggesting religious rituals and ceremonies which they believe can work in such cases, are all offered up as ‘advice’ to the couple, especially the woman.
You will keep getting such advice and also their follow-ups. People show a keen interest in knowing if you have been following their advice or not.
The idea of being unable to conceive is already very painful for any woman. Such family and social pressure with unsolicited advice can make it much harder.
Women just don’t have to struggle with the outside world. They also have to deal with the fact that no matter what the situation may be, their partners will never be held responsible for conception failures. While women may approach a doctor within a few months of marriage and get tested to understand if her system is in order or not, it is usually very hard to ask a man to get tested. They won’t even agree to give their semen samples for quality analysis.
The real problem is the sensitive male ego. Men believe that their only responsibility is to have intercourse and beyond that, it is completely on the woman whether she can conceive or not. For most men, it takes a lot of coaxing and cajoling to get them tested so that the actual problem can be determined. Men are not even ready to think that they can also be partially or fully responsible for the difficulties in conceiving.
Every time women try to bring this up, men get defensive and the conversation can also get ugly beyond a point.
That’s another important aspect that usually gets brushed under the carpet. Men would try their best to hide any form of sexual dysfunction without paying any regard to its relevance in the conception problems.
Premature or delayed ejaculation, sperm motility and inadequate sperm count are some of the problems that might lead to conception difficulties. It is important to note that most of these disorders can be easily treated with medication.
Only if men could look beyond their ego and do what is right for themselves and their partners, will women have to face much fewer difficulties when it comes to conceiving.
The inability to have a child strongly impacts a woman’s career. Often, working women are blamed for being overfocused on their careers and intentionally delaying their pregnancy. Although that may not be the case in reality.
Desperation is very high in such women because they must overcompensate to show their desire to have a child. They also feel guilty as they fear their lifestyle might interfere with successful conception. A childless woman has to struggle on all these fronts. These aren’t exceptions but the norm. These things aren’t bound by class, status, or education. Most women face these societal pressures.
However, as soon as women start thinking about having a child anyhow, the issue of financial pressure kicks in.
You might have seen large billboards and advertisements offering hope to childless couples. While such ads give hope, they are deceptive. They hide the harsh truth of finances.
Planning to have a medical intervention for having a child can easily cost lakhs of rupees. You might have heard of procedures like IUI, IVF and hormone replacement therapies. These procedures boast of great success and hope for childless couples.
However, what they don’t tell is:
These procedures act like a mental and emotional trap. Every procedure will sink you deeper. You wouldl have paid so much by then that it would seem prudent to give one more try, and every unsuccessful attempt will be heartbreaking.
When people opt for these procedures, they usually know the success rate and the cost of the treatment. Their desperation to have a child makes them opt for them even if they need to borrow money for it.
However, the pertinent question is, do you really need to do this?
A large number of childless couples can successfully conceive if they know the root cause of the problem and opt for the solution.
However, most people never take this route. The reason is their ignorance and the vested interest of the fertility centres.
It is in the interest of the fertility centres to push you to opt for these procedures. It brings them more revenue. That’s why sometimes the patients are made to feel disappointed on purpose. The greater the desperation in patients, the more inclined they would feel about shelling out exorbitant sums of money for such procedures.
When people are clueless, they often rely on online information. That’s a mistake you must avoid. More often than not, the articles and blogs about these issues are infomercials of fertility centres. They precondition you to opt for these procedures. They solidify your belief that natural conception might be an impossible option for you.
It is important to understand that lack of awareness will make you fall into these traps. They affect your decision-making ability and fill you with prejudice.
Opting for these procedures usually means bypassing the problems in your body. You don’t address the real issues and only focus on your need to have a child. That is usually not a very prudent step. It will lead to financial loss and health problems.
Natural fertility treatment is easy, accessible, economical, and practical. The real problem is a lack of awareness about the process of conception and the problems that may arise.
This book will help you understand those issues in the simplest form along with the real issues and their solutions. It will help you understand the real problems that might be standing in the way of your natural conception and how you can deal with them easily.
It will empower you with information that can help you make an informed decision.
Delays in conception can become a cause of great worries. It can have a social, emotional, and financial impact. Such delays often make women and couples desperate. With the passage of time, they start fearing they might never conceive naturally. Most women start considering assisted fertility treatments even though natural conception is easier, safer, and more advantageous.
Knowledge is power, and this book will help you understand fertility and its problems in an easy-to-understand manner.